It’s been one week since I got engaged and it feels exactly how I thought it would feel-simply amazing. I’ve been smiling from ear to ear this whole week. Just happy, gloating and drunk in love.

I’ve literally been playing Beyoncé’s “Love On Top” in my head on repeat. Hitting the high notes and everything. LOL. I’m making sure it gets played at my wedding (it’s never to soon to start planning) because I’m obsessed with it right now.

The lyrics hit different when you know exactly what Beyoncé means when she says finally you put my love on top. Man oh man, like this post if you understand.

This love shit is work. It’s easy to be single and selfish. To be in a relationship is hard work but to be able to depend on someone is the best feeling in the world. A lot of times you are all you got so to find someone you can be unapologetically you with to go through life with is a game changer.

To find someone that is funny, patient, forgiving, loving, a good father and a provider is a blessing.

To form a bond and a connection with someone was hard because I had so many walls up because of my upbringing. I remember in the beginning I used to compare my fiancé to my grandfather who was one of one. He was in my eyes the greatest man in the world.

My grandfather had so many good qualities that I looked for in a man and I never thought anyone was good enough. Nobody could fill his shoes or ever compare until my grandma shared some stories with me and humanized him.

I realized that I spent all this time fantasizing about this perfect love story that doesn’t exists. You can be a person with the greatest morals and values and someone will still think you ain’t shit. You could bend over backwards for someone and they still won’t think you are enough.

What I’ve learned is that pace is important. If someone is not ready to commit believe them. Don’t waste your time changing their mind because they will never see value in you if they don’t want to. Let go and don’t let them drag you down.

Focus on finding your own self happiness and if a man comes along he won’t disrupt your life. That way if things go south the same way he came is the same way he’ll leave empty handed.

And most importantly, love people who love you back. Don’t beg anyone for attention, affection, or respect. Don’t let loneliness have you expecting nothing less than the best from anyone. Never be anyone’s option. You a million dollar venture not some side hustle so don’t allow any one treat you as such.

Also, Everyone one loves differently and needs to be loved differently. We all have different love languages and you need to learn your partners and they need to make it a point to learn yours.

When you express what makes you happy and someone puts forth effort be grateful because they are taking the time to love you with all your flaws, even if they are not perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist so stop fixating on it.

My friends and I joke that about loving our ain’t shit men in peace. If you’ve been in a long term relationship you know that if you be with someone long enough there’s something you’ll find that will annoy the hell out of you about your partner although you love him to death. Like them leaving the toilet seat up, messing up the kitchen or never putting their clothes in the laundry basket. They are petty annoyances though because at the end of the day you can deal with them but that doesn’t mean you won’t talk your shit every time they do it.

At the end of the day love isn’t enough. I don’t care what anyone says you don’t have to go through the storm with anyone to prove you love them. If you can’t handle someone at their worst you don’t have to stick around and be a ride or die chick. There is no award for that. What some people may call stupid might be what you can handle but just ask yourself if the shoe was on the other foot would they ride for you just as hard?

I see so many people caught up on technicalities, looks and superficial shit but if someone is being real with you take them for face value and experience them without wanting anything in return unless it’s love and respect. I’m not saying don’t have a type but don’t fall for someone who clearly isn’t putting you first.

I want every girl in the world to feel love that is reciprocated.

My fiancé is tough but he has a huge heart. (OMG, I’m gushing as I write. I’m still getting used to saying that.) He’s a Gemini and he can be nice as hell or evil as fuck; you decide which side your going to get by your actions. I’ve had people be like he so mean and I think it’s funny because I really don’t care as long as he’s good to me.

I actually like that he comes off mean because I know that he’s not easy to get close to and that why I trust him and respect him. He’s also a really good judge of character so if he not fucking with you neither am I and vice versa. We really are team us.

He taught me to never settle and that I’m worth more. He never lets me give up on myself and he shows me that he loves me daily which makes me feel like I’m the baddest bitch in the world or at least in the 92119.

I seriously can’t even think of my life without him. He’s different-he’s real. I love the way he makes me feel. I feel complete when I’m with him. As if nothing is impossible when I’m with him.

He’s my best friend.

The person I get to wake up and go to sleep next to for the rest of my life. The ying to my yang, my partner in crime, my bodyguard, my future, my family, my plan A, my baby zaddy, and heart in human form. We’ve established a relationship that has been tried and tested and we win because we have each other.

To get proposed to reassured what I already knew but it’s more than that. We both cane from broken homes. Mine resulted in lots of half siblings, step sibling and extended family. His was a result of his father being on drugs and his mother tragically dying of cancer when he was 13. Yet together we teamed up to give our kids the fountain that we never had and life is amazing, it is what it should be.

I’m in such a good space no one can rob me of this joy I feel. This feeling of being on the same page and in the same book as someone else. For all the dots to be connected and to finally be sure. I’ve never had this feeling of no doubts before.

I’m feeling myself.

I’ve gotten so many compliments, congratulations, and good for you two that my heart could explode. The love and support has been real and I’ve appreciated all of it. We legit can’t wait to be married.

There was never a rush to get married. Everyone has a timeline for when they are ready for the big step and for me my main focus was to be happy and feel fulfilled in my relationship.

I always knew we would get here but I’ll admit a sista was getting tired of waiting. Redd and I have been dating since I was 18 and I’m 33, you do the math. This engagement has been a long time coming but it couldn’t have came at a better time.

I’m going to be very transparent and say we were giving a million reasons to give up on each other. We were never suppose to last this long. We are not couple goals. We were not suppose to be where we are 3 kids later and living our best life together but God got us through. Black love does exist.

I feel accomplished.

Everything that should have destroyed our relationship from cheating, lies, disrespect, expectations, insecurities, depression, immaturity, being broke and struggling, major life changes, and growing pains only made us stronger and more confident that our love is real.

Our journey wasn’t easy. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I know that when he got down on one knee he was serious. I can’t remember everything he said when he was proposing because I was so shocked at the timing and to in awe of the ring but he said something to the affect that he wanted to spend forever with me and I said yaassss without hesitation.

I said yes to us continuing to grow together. I said yes to our happily ever after. I said yes to our perfect love story. Not the perfect where nothing will ever be wrong, but the perfect where the wrongs don’t matter until death do us apart.

Moral of the story is that you don’t give up on people you love.

Unfortunately, I haven’t wore my ring much because I’m a registered dental assistant and I wash my hands entirely to much that I’d ruin it or loose it. I worked to hard to get that ring I’ll be damned if something happens to it trying to flex for my coworkers.

I know it’s just a ring but the symbolism behind it is priceless so I going to continue to be cautious. Now on the weekends don’t be surprised if you see me going overboard making it known with every extra’d out hand motion that I’m taken. I’m somebody’s whole fiancé out here and I’m excited.

You can judge away.

I’ll still be parading my rock all through SoCal.

Yikes. I’m really someone’s future wifey. And it’s official. We are actually headed down the aisle. It was my dream and now my reality.

We grew up and leveled up and now that I got the ring it’s time to plan my dream beach wedding.

I promise I’ll try my hardest not to be a bridezilla.

#mstomrs

#bridetobe

#debtfreewedding

#Martindowntheaisle

#foreverthemartins

#familyovereverything

#bossmommy