You don’t find the perfect relationship, you build one. When you create your own happily ever after you’ll stop comparing yours to theirs.
My marriage goals are not to be like Will and Jada, Beyoncé and Jay-Z or any other couples I admire but to have my version of happiness I know a marriage/partnership could bring if done correctly. Redd and I are about 10 months shy from saying I do after almost 15 years together. I know some people hear that number and would say finally. Well, me too! I was almost at my expiration date that if a promise of forever wasn’t around the corner I was taking my 3 kids and moving onward and upward, but God had other plans.
I got my prayers answered. I didn’t pray for him to marry me but I prayed that if he wasn’t my soulmate to remove him out of my life. I knew that I loved him and that I’d be to weak to let go so I needed God’s help. I prayed like my life depended on it because it did. I ultimately decided that by the end of June 2019 if I wasn’t engaged I was going to swallow my pride, suck up my embarrassment and call it quits. I knew it would hurt like hell but it needed to be done because I was ready for marriage. When you know you just know it’s time because your sure that’s what you want.
I had already given him 3 kids and to me that said I was all in. His reason for taking so long to propose is because he wanted his money to be all the way right when he popped the question. He wanted to give me the lavish ring and wedding I wanted and he knew that took money. Boy, was he right because planning a wedding is pretty pricey. He had heard me all those years and didn’t want to let me down and to think I almost gave up because I thought he had taken me for granted.
In his mind he already considered me his wife. Redd has already been calling me his wife for years now and I correct him every time. I would noticeably point out my empty left hand with no ring in sight. Then, he would always tell me it was coming. I started to think it was never coming and he was just saying that to get me to hold on a little longer. I would look at my beautiful family and think I’ll wait a just a little bit longer but my patience was getting thin.
I don’t think you should put time limits on love but I couldn’t help it I needed to know if I should continue to put my eggs all in one basket. I mean I stayed down for over 14 years before he proposed but how long is to long? Honestly, I don’t have answer but I assume when holding on is no longer an option. When my needs were no longer met or he’d stop trying to make this relationship work I figured so would I.
He never stopped trying. According to him, the way his mind is set up the fact that he never left me should have gave me my answer. Well it didn’t. I’m a rational person and I needed proof. I needed that diamond ring! I needed to hear it, see it and feel it. I needed it ASAP at that. So I spoke it into the universe and manifested it.
“There is one happiness in life, to love and be loved” -George Sand
I question everything without action behind it. Something about love, sex and stability forever eva with him seemed like paradise. Just seemed to make perfect sense. Also, that knowing we two people would join forces as one and work toward a common goal of giving our kids the best life was looking real desirable, like a wedding would be my grand price, especially after everything we’d been through. It felt like it’d be our grand finale. Something for our kids and eventually grandkids to look see where their foundation came from and to have an example of black love to look up to as well as look forward to.
I didn’t want to feel together but separate anymore. I wanted us all to have the same last name. I wanted to wake up each day and feel like I was giving my all because honestly I wasn’t. I wouldn’t move forward with any of my plans like getting a house because I didn’t want to make that move with a boyfriend. It seemed ridiculous to do that. I felt like for us to get to that next level we needed to lick it down and throw away the key LOL.
I wanted to stop shacking up and make it official. I never once made getting married a criteria for our relationship before. Until I had baby Kalvin it wasn’t a big deal to me. Marriage was where I saw us eventually working towards but I always wanted to be sure as hell that I had a great relationship before taking that step. I take marriage very seriously. My time. The vows. The commitment in front of God I wasn’t about to play with.
Matter of fact, there was a time in our relationship when it was so rocky that I never even wanted to marry him. I remember he would be like I’m going to marry you and I would adamantly say you are not about to make me miserable forever. Nope. To many changes needed to be made for me to make that type of commitment.
Yet we held on. We became a team. We have a partnership. He provides for our family and is present. I couldn’t be happier. I know that the person I will marry in October is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The person who makes me laugh and smile more than be upset. A man who has led me to growth within myself and the love we have for each other hits differently because it’s genuine and real.
I’m ready for the wedding and the marriage. Who has any wedding advice? Comment below.