We’re 23 days into the new year. We already made up our mind that this year we’re going to be intentional with our goal setting. Now that we’re going to be laser focused on our dreams it’s time to discipline ourselves and give up a few things to make our dreams possible. It’s not going to be easy but in 2020 we’re claiming success.
Repeat with me we have the ability to get money, follow our passion, live purposefully and be happy. The key ingredient is perseverance along with mastering getting the negative thoughts out of our minds that limit us from just doing it. Down below are 5 things I see holding many of us back from living in abundance. First let’s stop sabotaging ourselves by procrastinating, comparing, ignoring our instincts, letting perfectionism distract us and seeking validation.
Force yourself to do that task today. Stop stalling all your doing is delaying your success. Pick one thing to be motivated by and think about it when your having a rough start and that should be the umph you need to stop being lazy and take action on your dreams.
Don’t compare yourself to others. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is your yesterday’s self. Focus on your own progress and keep your eyes on your own price because comparing your life to someone else’s winning season will lead to depression. Stop putting pressure on yourself. Remember all good things take time and everyone is on their own personal journey so yours might not look like theirs. This you need to learn to accept. Your journey is meant for you. Try acknowledging your own successes instead of stressing about someone else’s highlight reel on social media. I know it’s hard but this season your about to be so busy watering your own grass to notice if someone else’s greener!
3. Ignoring our instincts
Your intuition is God talking to you. Ladies we all have women’s intuition but most of us ignore it but not this year. This year we paying attention to people’s energy and listening to our gut feeling because every time you go against it you set yourself up for more drama and a headache in the long run. Still take risks but only risks that are more likely to benefit your passion projects.
4. Letting perfectionism distract us
This one is huge. Perfection is the thief of dreams. Sometimes we get so caught up chasing this idea of perfection that we never put ourselves out there. We end up letting our talents and gifts fall by the waste side because we feel like they are only ok but confidence is key. As long as your determined and have confidence just go for it. No one perfected anything before they started. They learned, they grew, got better then expanded.
5. Seeking validation
The only person that should be happy with your decision is YOU because your the one who has to live with the choices you make. You don’t need anyone to say that your opinions or ideas are ok. Be secure in who you are (your values). Validate your dam self. Then don’t be afraid of failure or going against the grain. Go forward in your pursuit of success even if no one supports you. Do you boo!
“Seeking approval from others will have you on an endless search for unnecessary validation” -unknown
This year if you haven’t already it’s time to change your mindset and prepare yourself to receive bigger blessings than the year before. Motherhood is crazy. This I know first hand. Then having the courage to pursue your dreams comes with another set of pressure we tend to place on ourselves.
Think big and stay positive. Stay encouraged, sis. Don’t let you be the reason you never start or never try. Don’t be your own worst enemy. Follow your dreams. You can do anything you put your mind to. Use my tips, take it step by step and push through. It may at times be a lonely scary road but only you know what your meant to become. If you don’t believe in you no one else will either. Keep hustling. It’s all going to pay off soon enough.
The legend, Kobe Bryant, his daughter and 7 others died today in a very horrible tragic helicopter crash in Calabasas. I can’t believe it. This is so shocking and so sad. We’re just starting 2020 and then here go this bullshit.
As a fan I’m absolutely heartbroken. As a mom and soon to be wife I can only imagine the amount of grief Vanessa is experiencing during this devastating time. It’s one thing to loose your soulmate but your 13 year old baby girl also, and at the same time. In one day two of your heartbeats just gone. It’s unbelievable. I can’t even phantom the indescribable pain she feels.
My thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family during this time. Anyone with kids understands you never want your kids to go out before you. That’s just not how it’s supposed to go. How do you find the strength to go on? I don’t even know but I just pray she remains a strong pillar for her other beautiful daughters because this the type of shit that could break you in pieces if you let it. I imagine it to be a heart break like no other and I would never wish that on not even an enemy.
I can’t even wrap my head around the thought of one of my children dying before me. That alone is tragic enough but your husband too. Then my stomach turns thinking about their last moments. OMFG. It’s gut wrenching to think how panicked they were. Helpless and afraid are a few words that come to mind. So awful. Its hard for me to process this loss. Mamba is really gone?! God only knows why and I send my condolences to all families of the victims of the crash.
This tragedy just reminded me that life is short. Hold your loved ones tight and appreciate each moment. When I heard the news, in the mist of shock, all I could think about was how uncertain life can be. It doesn’t matter how much money you have. You can be here today and gone tomorrow.
You just never know when it’s your time to go so you really just got to not take life for granted. Show up for your loved ones, say I love you as much as you can, use your God given abilities and live life like your last day is tomorrow. You only get one shot at this thing called life. Count your blessings.
I don’t care how much of a diva you consider yourself if your baby daddy is not holding up his weight put him on child support, sis. Stop getting sad and stressing out about what he’s not doing and let the courts deal with him. I’m a huge advocate in trying to come to a mutual agreement outside of court but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Don’t feel ashamed about it either. I applaud women who take care of their business for their child when the dad doesn’t want to step up.
When you’ve exhausted all your efforts trying to come up with parenting plans, visitation schedules and how much money is needed (key word needed) to take care of your child and ex spouse or partner have failed to consistently stick to the plan, then by all means you have every right to try and get some stability in your child’s life. It’s not just about the money either it’s about being an active parent and not allowing the burden of responsibilities of raising a child be on just one parent.
I get it your pride is telling you that you don’t need him and your right you don’t but we all can agree your kid would benefit from extra support. Those tutors and extra curricular activities add up. Where not even going to talk about child care expenses, or essentials like diapers, clothes and food. That’s a whole another set of bills on top of bills. Child support will help with everyday living expenses but does not contribute to any extras, although, I think it should in the spirit of co parent. We should go half on everything or it should be sometimes mom does more and sometimes dad does more but it’s fair. Not the main caregiver (usually mom) do everything and child support given cover whatever it can but it that’s usually how it goes.
Don’t argue or fuss until you hit a breaking point just file child support. As a single mom it’s tough and I know because I’ve been there done that too, but it’s the law that states that as long as paternity is determined they are required to do their part. Putting them on child support is basically a consequence of them neglecting your child. Then, based on the father’s income the state determines what he is capable of paying and most times if you want to get technical it is still not enough. It usually covers just the bare minimum but that is still something as opposed to nothing. Visit NCLS.org for more information on how they determine the amount of child support state by state.
Some fathers get mad that they are told they have to pay such and such amount but at the end of the day they better get over it and pay it or they will loose driving privileges, get their wages garnished, lottery winnings intercepted and even get their property seized. Why should a child have to suffer? They shouldn’t. My point exactly. No matter how bitter a man is about how things ended with his ex or how broke he is that should never be an excuse not to take care of your child. A parents should sacrifice so that their kid does not go without. That’s just my opinion.
I don’t think any real man should have to be told when to see his kid and how much to at least pay to take care of them but we as women have to realize that we are partly accountable for not doing our homework and laying down with men that force us to have use this system to enforce child support. Yet, that’s what it’s there for. To alleviate the stress of having to beg the other parent for anything. You should not make yourself suffer because you chose the wrong man to have kids by.
If you don’t have the heart to go down to the court and file because you’ve made up your mind that if he doesn’t take care of his kid f* it. Just remember your kids are owed his support. Even if he’s a drug dealer or unemployed now eventually he’s going to get older and have to work if he wants any kind of social security child when he’s senior citizen. That’s when that back pay will hit his ass. One way or another fathers need to be held accountable even deadbeat moms if the situation was reversed.
Your other alternative route for assistance is called Welfare. If your a struggling single mom they will help you with medical, dental, shelter and food. In helping you with these things Welfare will make you establish paternity and file for child support for you. To me that’s a blessing because your other alternative is getting your kids taken away from you if you can’t provide for them like your suppose to.
I was on welfare and it was a stepping stone for a young mom like myself. It helped mentally grow and get my shit together whether he paid a dime or not. They helped me focus on getting out of my horrible financial situations (due to my age I was pretty broke) by helping me with childcare while I was going to Dental Assistant school to give my son at the time a better life. In fact, the welfare to work program even paid for my schooling and books so when I received my license I didn’t owe anything. I was able to get in the work force and turn my situation around.
Now I make enough money to not need any help or even qualify for any help and that was my dream as a teenage mom. To be be self sufficient and not need any help ever. Now everything between my fiancé are good but when we were younger we had a hard time seeing eye to eye when we would breakup and live in depressed houses. I got tired of us being immature and not speaking when our feelings were hurt. Not speaking to him during those time periods lead to me not asking for things for the kids that I needed but couldn’t afford or him blocking me when I was trying to reach out and get his help when I was between a rock and a hard place. Which all meant my kids went without.
In being fed up I put his ass on child support and even when we stopped breaking up to makeup I kept him on there because I wasn’t about to play those games with him. I needed to be sure that no matter what I went through with him my kids would always be good and they wouldn’t be affected by our bullshit. I think after a solid three years of us not breaking up and having any real issues (because no couple has no problems) I took him off child support. I remember I had a little debit card from the state and they would send me an email every time I received a payment. It just so happened we were discussing finances and he was like I already give you x amount in child support which at that point was like an allowance since we were living together and sharing our bills.
When he said the amount I was pissed because that was not the amount I had been getting. I was getting less. That’s when I went into investigating mode. I need to know why I wasn’t getting exactly what he paid me and later found out when you receive child support there is a service fee. You are paying them to disperse your money to the other party. So I got to thinking I could get a portion of the money or I can have him hand me over the full amount. It was a no brained in my case. I took the full amount.
It’s kinda funny to think he was on child support and we we’re together but our relationship was real rocky and I needed my kids to have security. I am not one of those girls who won’t put their kids father on child support for fear that he won’t come around. If you don’t come around that’s not my problem but you will take care of every single one of the kids I have by you by choose or by force you decide. I’m not leaving the option of not doing nothing up to my kids father. I established that earlier on. I’m not going to harass you to do your part I got goals to accomplish and that’s where my energy is going. Not to trying to win a gold star for putting up with your inconsistency.
5 Good reason why you should put your child’s father on child support:
1. Think about every time he falls short and you have to pick up the slack.
2. He is walking around like he don’t have any responsibility’s. Doesn’t even ask if your child needs anything or offer.
3. He picks and chooses when he’s going to take care of his kids.
4. If you have to ask him for simple shit and he gets mad or irritated
5. He has a new girlfriend and he taking care of her kid but not yours
Learn from my experience so you don’t have to keep stressing out and your kids don’t have to go with out. What most fathers don’t realize is that if the court system is involved in their life it’s probably their own fault. Don’t let the fear that once you take dad to court he’ll get angry because he might but don’t let that stop you because eventually the dust will settle and he’ll get over it.
I know mommy got this but you shouldn’t have to have it on your own. This post was for all the single moms who have their kids best interest at heart and aren’t trying to get child support because they are greedy or seeking revenge. Child support is NOT a weapon for hurt feelings.
If the other parent was not lacking in the parenting department there would be no need for court mandated child support. So at the of the day he decides if he wants to split half the work and financial responsibilities in raising his children in order to not get put on child support. He’ll either learn to accept it. He’ll move on from his emotions or he won’t but either way you move on. No more going back and forth and hoping he’ll change for his kids.
You went off principle. You let your kids father see his kids and see him working hard to better himself but not his children. What are you waiting for?! Take action and tell him you’ll see him in court.
The millennial mom is running businesses, working and raising kids. She is a strong professional women holding down her family while trying to get paid. I am sis. Sis is me. In fact, it’s starting to even be more common for us hustling women to now be the bread winners of our families. We are moms but we have elevated our mindsets. We want the whole nine yards-financial stability, wealth and good health. The roles have definitely reversed in the 21st century and we aren’t complaining. What can I say the millennial mom is poppin’!
We are becoming technology savvy and breaking into male dominated fields. We are confident and we are changing the game. We are a sought after target audience. We are building valuable brands. Where the door used to be closed we are opening them and paving the way for more independent ladies to dive into whatever career path they choose.
We were born from 1978 to 1994 and are successful go getters, wives and phenomenal mothers. You can not deny that motherhood has changed. We’re no longer ashamed and speaking up when we have postpartum depression. We are not putting our mental health on the back burner anymore. We are comfortable admitting we are going through postpartum. Yet we are still very much wearing our super mom capes as we ask for much needed help.
We realize we’re stronger as a tribe and it takes a village to raise these kids. We wear heels to close business deals, we breastfeed on demand anywhere, we are passion driven and refuse to settle in life. Isn’t it amazing to see what we moms can accomplish if we don’t hold in our emotions, play ourselves small and never loose site of who we truly are before we had kids?
We’re no longer sacrificing having children for careers, instead we’re making both work. We millennial moms are owning our motherhood. We are embracing our new priorities. We are having fun. We are reminding ourselves daily that we got this because we do. Motherhood isn’t easy but it’s beautiful and when we say we got this we mean it. We’re figuring out what works best for us and applying it and what doesn’t letting it go ASAP.
These kids is still alive and getting on our nerves. Stressing us out with their “I’m hungry” and “I’m bored”. *Rolls eyes* Yet, we’re loving every second of the joys of motherhood and having as many as we can handle. We are taking our kids everywhere and exposing them to the world around them one family vacation at a time.
We refuse to give up or give in to the stereotypical mom roles. You won’t catch us letting ourselves go. We are living our best lives and not regretting it for a single second. We understand the importance of putting ourselves first and we are practicing self care regularly.
We made it a mission to heal from our past, break generational curses and are glowing and thriving because of it. We are showing our children the truth that the real strength of a women is by not sacrificing ourselves but by coming into who we are through motherhood.
We are using our resources and educating ourselves, sharing our experiences and helping other women along the way as we stand tall through the hard days. The tears. The frustration. The pressure. We’re figuring out daycare, work, rent, expenses and etc. all while getting our shit together and being a parent.
The idea that we must have it all together has been thrown out the window. No mother has it all perfectly held together. We’re all just giving our absolute best in hopes that we’re raising happy healthy kids.
The amount of effort and sleepless days we put in because of our career driven goals are only trumped by the love and memories we create for our families who are the motivation behind it all. We are a forced to be reckoned with. We are creating sista circles and becoming even more powerful.
We are millennial moms elevating the next generation. We’re pouring into them everything that wasn’t or we wished was poured into us. So our beloved children can have choices in life. To have options to do what they want rather than what they have to do. We’re teaching them to fish. To be self sufficient and feed themselves. To be better than we ever were. These kids are blessed to not have to grow through what we survived in these few decades.
They will fly higher and seek more because we fought so hard to give them peace. Give yourself a big round of applause if your a millennial mom because you started that business, you stopped procrastinating, stopped over thinking and went after your goals. Your taking action and soon enough those small wins will lead to success. Be proud that you chose to invest in you. That’s the vital part of this message. Keep being so busy improving yourself so that your kids reflect your growth because you don’t get a second chance raising them. Go hard now!