I don’t care how much of a diva you consider yourself if your baby daddy is not holding up his weight put him on child support, sis. Stop getting sad and stressing out about what he’s not doing and let the courts deal with him. I’m a huge advocate in trying to come to a mutual agreement outside of court but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Don’t feel ashamed about it either. I applaud women who take care of their business for their child when the dad doesn’t want to step up.
When you’ve exhausted all your efforts trying to come up with parenting plans, visitation schedules and how much money is needed (key word needed) to take care of your child and ex spouse or partner have failed to consistently stick to the plan, then by all means you have every right to try and get some stability in your child’s life. It’s not just about the money either it’s about being an active parent and not allowing the burden of responsibilities of raising a child be on just one parent.
I get it your pride is telling you that you don’t need him and your right you don’t but we all can agree your kid would benefit from extra support. Those tutors and extra curricular activities add up. Where not even going to talk about child care expenses, or essentials like diapers, clothes and food. That’s a whole another set of bills on top of bills. Child support will help with everyday living expenses but does not contribute to any extras, although, I think it should in the spirit of co parent. We should go half on everything or it should be sometimes mom does more and sometimes dad does more but it’s fair. Not the main caregiver (usually mom) do everything and child support given cover whatever it can but it that’s usually how it goes.
Don’t argue or fuss until you hit a breaking point just file child support. As a single mom it’s tough and I know because I’ve been there done that too, but it’s the law that states that as long as paternity is determined they are required to do their part. Putting them on child support is basically a consequence of them neglecting your child. Then, based on the father’s income the state determines what he is capable of paying and most times if you want to get technical it is still not enough. It usually covers just the bare minimum but that is still something as opposed to nothing. Visit NCLS.org for more information on how they determine the amount of child support state by state.
Some fathers get mad that they are told they have to pay such and such amount but at the end of the day they better get over it and pay it or they will loose driving privileges, get their wages garnished, lottery winnings intercepted and even get their property seized. Why should a child have to suffer? They shouldn’t. My point exactly. No matter how bitter a man is about how things ended with his ex or how broke he is that should never be an excuse not to take care of your child. A parents should sacrifice so that their kid does not go without. That’s just my opinion.
I don’t think any real man should have to be told when to see his kid and how much to at least pay to take care of them but we as women have to realize that we are partly accountable for not doing our homework and laying down with men that force us to have use this system to enforce child support. Yet, that’s what it’s there for. To alleviate the stress of having to beg the other parent for anything. You should not make yourself suffer because you chose the wrong man to have kids by.
If you don’t have the heart to go down to the court and file because you’ve made up your mind that if he doesn’t take care of his kid f* it. Just remember your kids are owed his support. Even if he’s a drug dealer or unemployed now eventually he’s going to get older and have to work if he wants any kind of social security child when he’s senior citizen. That’s when that back pay will hit his ass. One way or another fathers need to be held accountable even deadbeat moms if the situation was reversed.
Your other alternative route for assistance is called Welfare. If your a struggling single mom they will help you with medical, dental, shelter and food. In helping you with these things Welfare will make you establish paternity and file for child support for you. To me that’s a blessing because your other alternative is getting your kids taken away from you if you can’t provide for them like your suppose to.
I was on welfare and it was a stepping stone for a young mom like myself. It helped mentally grow and get my shit together whether he paid a dime or not. They helped me focus on getting out of my horrible financial situations (due to my age I was pretty broke) by helping me with childcare while I was going to Dental Assistant school to give my son at the time a better life. In fact, the welfare to work program even paid for my schooling and books so when I received my license I didn’t owe anything. I was able to get in the work force and turn my situation around.
Now I make enough money to not need any help or even qualify for any help and that was my dream as a teenage mom. To be be self sufficient and not need any help ever. Now everything between my fiancé are good but when we were younger we had a hard time seeing eye to eye when we would breakup and live in depressed houses. I got tired of us being immature and not speaking when our feelings were hurt. Not speaking to him during those time periods lead to me not asking for things for the kids that I needed but couldn’t afford or him blocking me when I was trying to reach out and get his help when I was between a rock and a hard place. Which all meant my kids went without.
In being fed up I put his ass on child support and even when we stopped breaking up to makeup I kept him on there because I wasn’t about to play those games with him. I needed to be sure that no matter what I went through with him my kids would always be good and they wouldn’t be affected by our bullshit. I think after a solid three years of us not breaking up and having any real issues (because no couple has no problems) I took him off child support. I remember I had a little debit card from the state and they would send me an email every time I received a payment. It just so happened we were discussing finances and he was like I already give you x amount in child support which at that point was like an allowance since we were living together and sharing our bills.
When he said the amount I was pissed because that was not the amount I had been getting. I was getting less. That’s when I went into investigating mode. I need to know why I wasn’t getting exactly what he paid me and later found out when you receive child support there is a service fee. You are paying them to disperse your money to the other party. So I got to thinking I could get a portion of the money or I can have him hand me over the full amount. It was a no brained in my case. I took the full amount.
It’s kinda funny to think he was on child support and we we’re together but our relationship was real rocky and I needed my kids to have security. I am not one of those girls who won’t put their kids father on child support for fear that he won’t come around. If you don’t come around that’s not my problem but you will take care of every single one of the kids I have by you by choose or by force you decide. I’m not leaving the option of not doing nothing up to my kids father. I established that earlier on. I’m not going to harass you to do your part I got goals to accomplish and that’s where my energy is going. Not to trying to win a gold star for putting up with your inconsistency.
5 Good reason why you should put your child’s father on child support:
1. Think about every time he falls short and you have to pick up the slack.
2. He is walking around like he don’t have any responsibility’s. Doesn’t even ask if your child needs anything or offer.
3. He picks and chooses when he’s going to take care of his kids.
4. If you have to ask him for simple shit and he gets mad or irritated
5. He has a new girlfriend and he taking care of her kid but not yours
Learn from my experience so you don’t have to keep stressing out and your kids don’t have to go with out. What most fathers don’t realize is that if the court system is involved in their life it’s probably their own fault. Don’t let the fear that once you take dad to court he’ll get angry because he might but don’t let that stop you because eventually the dust will settle and he’ll get over it.
I know mommy got this but you shouldn’t have to have it on your own. This post was for all the single moms who have their kids best interest at heart and aren’t trying to get child support because they are greedy or seeking revenge. Child support is NOT a weapon for hurt feelings.
If the other parent was not lacking in the parenting department there would be no need for court mandated child support. So at the of the day he decides if he wants to split half the work and financial responsibilities in raising his children in order to not get put on child support. He’ll either learn to accept it. He’ll move on from his emotions or he won’t but either way you move on. No more going back and forth and hoping he’ll change for his kids.
You went off principle. You let your kids father see his kids and see him working hard to better himself but not his children. What are you waiting for?! Take action and tell him you’ll see him in court.