If you been following my blog you know that I’ve been on my Dave Ramsey ish for a while now. I’ve been really making a conscious effort to gain financial freedom and saving has been a big part of my journey. It’s helped me get out of debt and invest into myself. It’s given me more freedom and security, both of which I’m obsessed with. The piece of mind in knowing I now have options has relieved a lot of the stress in my life I used to have.
Money is important. It affects everything in our lives.
Money effects your attitude, your family, your marriage, where we live, who you associate with, and what you can do with your free time. The more I learn about money the more I get to help YOU. I’m forever trying to learn and grow. It’s a bonus that I get to help y’all out so together we can live our best lives because having freedom and options is much more fun then stressing over the affects of not having enough money.
When everybody did what was best for them and now it’s your turn….Excuse Me While I Live My Very Best Life Now!
Focus on being a great mom, get your finances right, then work on your credit so you can find your forever home. Sometimes removing people that give you anxieties is the best thing you can do. People are so selfish and removing those toxic people give you more space to focus on what’s important-you!
Time to level up your mind so you can make a greater impact.
How To Live Your Best Life???!
Rule number one…stop living your life for other people. You have to make decisions that you can live with because at the dead of the day if they won’t be at your death bed they don’t matter. I will always scream “you do you boo” because the people who matter will love you regardless.
They say you die once and you’re dead and that’s all folks. Every morning you wake up you get to live and that’s a blessing. Ask yourself are you really living or just existing? Routines are wonderful because if you don’t plan your basically planning to fail, but in the same token you don’t want to get so stuck on routine that you don’t allow yourself to take risks or opportunities that could enhance your life. Do what brings you joy especially if you can’t stop thinking about it.
You Take Care Of You.
Self-care is very important. Self enlightenment is also key. You have to live your life the way you want to. This is a huge part in why I randomly booked a ticket to Las Vegas last week to getaway. I am someone who loves my kids but needs mommy breaks. I legit will go loco when I don’t make time for myself. With my crazy schedule and three kids I have to take care of my mental health. Therefore, this last minute girls trip that I’m going to piggy back on in celebration of starting my new business, surviving a pandemic and early birthday treat to myself because my Black life matters too.
My children need a healthy mom and I need balance. It took a few meltdowns for me to take my mental health serious so if you’re struggling to do anything special for yourself just know that it takes time. Love yourself fiercely but be gentle to yourself because the world is already hard enough. It’s easier said then done, I know but it’s important and you need to prioritize self-care. Just think about it like this when you love your body it loves you back and gives you more years to spend with the ones you love.
For years I never bought myself anything while my kids closets were overloaded. I got satisfaction in them being the best dressed kids in school but I forgot about me. I was rocking the same clothes from 2010 while their closets had the latest fashions. Which is crazy because I won best dressed in high school. I’ve always loved clothes but when money was funny I got used to counting myself out. Then, when I starting making decent money I just got used to being basic. No wonder why my life sucked my mindset was wack.
I changed my mindset from I can’t to I can and I will. I started paying myself first and making promises to myself like every time I get paid I need to save, but I also have to buy myself at least one thing. Just buying one thing for only me made me feel good and boosted my confidence back up. It really made a difference. The correlation between looking good and feeling good is real. Caring about yourself starts with your appearance. The new confidence I had empowered me to get shit done and when I say get shit done I’m talking about beginning this blog, Moody Babe Lashes, Princess Boss Lipgloss, and my daughters YouTube channel Life with Kiara. It just opened my eyes to so many wonderful things that I stop caring about when I didn’t care about myself.
Don’t settle for less just because it’s available!
All the good hearted shit is great but if you find yourself always pouring into other people who never reciprocate then STOP. You have to take care of you first and foremost. Never lower your standards because there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. You are never asking for to much because if you have to compromise your integrity or morals then that person or opportunity is not a good fit anyways. Whatever is truly for you is for you and you won’t have to beg them to be on the same page as you.
So often we wonder why we aren’t thriving and it’s because we have dead weight tying us down. As you get older especially in relationships you realize not everybody wants to commit. So you have to start thinking along the lines of are you ok with wasting your time? The dumbest female in the world is a women who is single and faithful to a married man. Girl, get your whole entire life!
Everyone has encountered a toxic relationship before because they are toxic, they like toxic or got in to deep before they realized it was toxic. It happens everyday but shame on you if you decide to stay. You deserve whatever you put yourself through because you always have a choice to leave. I don’t care how much that person spoils you with distractions if they lie to you, cheat on you and use you, you can always find better. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t love you the way or to the degree that you love them. You’ll know when they don’t because it won’t sit well with you.
Try again. Try it differently. Just don’t stop trying until you succeed.
If I could tell my younger self anything I’d tell her don’t cry over spilled milk and that your going to have to let go of a whole lot of shit to unlock the next level of your life. Life is to be lived and to be loved. You’re a goddess. Your a healer. Your light will attract a lot of people that mean ill will toward you but you will shine on em baby because of your determination.
Your drive makes you special. It’s sets you apart from the talkers and the doers. When you are a women of action that tunnel vision energy is strong and defies all odds. Live your best life by staying true to what you love. Focusing on what you can’t live without and do everything in your power to keep hope alive. When you start believing in yourself is when you become successful. Never give up just eliminate what doesn’t help you evolve and don’t let your setbacks become permanent failures. You can be mad at them but take it out on your grind. Don’t let them stop you. Focus on the solution not the problems.
On good days hustle hard and on bad days hustle harder!
There’s this serial entrepreneur on Instagram named @danachanel and she really lite a fire in me last week. She asked the question are you going to let a crackhead out hustle you? I Seriously had a mind blown moment. See a crackhead wakes up everyday with no money but with one goal and everyday they get their fix at all costs. They persist and they meet their needs everyday. That’s the type of hustle you need to have for yourself. Wouldn’t you rather be tired than broke?!
I want my entire girl gang to be rich in spirit and material possessions. If I’m on top I want you all to be up there with me God willing. The views I hear are better there and once we get there let’s continue to support each other and uplift each other because living our very best life requires helping each other build.
So you say you want to live the best life…what are you doing to make that happen after reading this?
Cards and candy are a given and are expected on Valentine’s Day. Let’s kick it up a notch this year and buy gifts for Valentines that have sentimental value and will be used all year around (I absolutely love gifts that are not basic and I can use pretty regularly) or do activities with your loved ones that create memories that last a life time.
Valentine’s isn’t just another day. Every year I hear people say it’s just another day because they celebrate Valentines everyday-I call bullshit. In my house it can’t be done. We’re to busy with work, life and everything in between that we have to pencil quality time in. Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays we always celebrate to make sure we let our loved ones know they are loved and appreciated, by making the day or weekend of special. That way there’s no doubt the love we have for them.
If you don’t do a photo shoot every month of your child’s first month of existence are you even a good mom?! OMG, it’s ridiculous to even think that way. Being the perfect mom has nothing to do with making sure you get the best shot of your adorable new baby (but you do get bonus points if your able to pull of off *wink*) and more to do with just learning your baby and taking care of their needs.
On October 25th, I married the love of my life. We exchanged vows at Cuvier Park as known as the wedding bowl in La Jolla, CA. Immediately after the ceremony we had our reception at The Cuvier Club about 2 blocks away. The decor, the dress, the venue-everything came together perfectly. I’m just so grateful for my pandemic wedding day to have gone exactly how I imagined the most perfect wedding day in my head. Even with the few hiccups everything was perfect. The both of us had the time of our lives which is the most important detail when planning a wedding.
Redd fashionably came down the aisle to “24 Karats” by Bruno Mars. While I walked arm and arm with both my dads as our friend sung “For you I will” by Monica. Our youngest son stole our thunder as ring bearer in his cute 3 piece suit. Of course, I tried to upstage Redd with my vows. I just wanted him to know how much his love means to me. We then said I do with the beach in the background (one of the grooms request) and sealed it with a kiss. Afterward, we jumped the broom in honor of our ancestors.
Hashtags are fun. It’s a great way of being able to see all your pictures your guest took on social media. We originally were suggested #martindowntheaisle which was a play on me becoming a martin. I thought it was cute but later we changed it to #stillmartindown the aisle when we decided to keep our original wedding date amid a global pandemic. It represented that our love was not cancelled and that no matter how big or small, because life is short we were going to get married anyways. I know a few brides that changed their dates but all I kept thinking is how much uncertainty there is in the world today and what if next year was worst. You just never know.
I don’t regret a single penny spent.
To have been able to celebrate and enjoy the best day ever with friends and family who love Greg and I, despite there being a pandemic, was the best feeling in the world. I promised in 2020 I’d be a Covid bride or die! I refused to give up my wedding date and I am so glad I persisted. There were times I wanted to ugly cry and give up but I figured everything out. I made sure I fought for every detail big and small so that our day would be even more special to us. All the arguments Greg and I had over the entire wedding process sucked but even he admitted the next day was entirely worth seeing everyone we love be present for our holy matrimony. At the end of the day the money didn’t matter because the memories we made would last a lifetime and that was priceless.
The whole week I knew that there would be a 30% chance of rain on our wedding day but I remained calm. I am not a calm person but for some reason I just felt like everything would be fine by the time of the actual ceremony. When I woke up and I saw that it was starting to rain the morning of our wedding I just prayed to stay calm. Little did I know rain on your wedding day is a sign of good luck. They say that if rains on the day you tie the knot your marriage will last. Hindus believe that when a knot is wet it’s harder to unravel which is why they believe your marriage will be hard to unravel too. So with that being said we are quarantined for life. Ain’t no breaking us apart.
I love the fact that rain actually signifies everything thing I hope for. I didn’t have a back up plan if it rained so I’m glad that the rain stopped just in time so I could enjoy my ceremony without umbrellas or a last minute venue change. I really wanted my outside wedding and I got it. It’s crazy because the minute we said I do it started sprinkling. It was as if God smiled on me in perfect timing. They say he always come right on time and that day he did just that. He made sure that I had the most perfect day ever. So many of our guests have called and raved about how much fun they had, how great the food was and how beautiful the venue looked.
Meanwhile, I’m just happy we have each other for the rest of our lives and that the our beginning of our forever was so beautiful. I think just about everyone cried happy tears because to become one in flesh is the epitome of happiness. It’s a miracle. To find love and friendship in one person is rare and because of this I think just about everyone loves to see love or to be in love. It truly is a blessing that I thank the universe for every single day.
Having a wedding was important because I wanted to show my children what a strong family unit we have and how much love their dad and I have for each other, and especially for them. I feel like often times black love isn’t celebrated enough and to me it’s important. To often families get together when someone passes or someone’s in trouble and I wanted to change that narrative. Going to the courthouse isn’t in me. Not knocking anyone who did but I wouldn’t have been satisfied with a courthouse wedding I wanted the whole pageantry of a wedding and I’m glad I got it.
My I do Crew
So many people told me not to have a huge bridal party but I didn’t listen. From the minute I got engaged I knew my sisters would be my bridesmaids. I have 3 half sisters and 1 step sisters. Then, I couldn’t imagine getting married without my close friends by my side and I have 4 good friends I speak with regularly if not everyday. That brought it up to 8. My step sister bowed out as soon as the pandemic hit and a friend I asked to be a bridesmaid who ended up not being a good fit removed herself from my bridal party. I choose people I knew who not only would love to be bridesmaids but would help execute my vision for the day.
I saw this location on Instagram and immediately became fixated on it. I always told myself if I got married this is where I’d get married because I knew Redd wanted to get married on the beach but I am not about that sand life so this would be the perfect compromise. I’m also a Cali girl though and through so I wanted a location that represented that.
The view of the beach here is beautiful and I felt like if I moved anywhere in the world you would know that my pictures were taken in California and that meant a lot to me. I always liked that fact that I could always come back and visit the site where I got married and possibly have a romantic picnic, just enjoy the sunset every year or even see another couple in love get married in that exact same spot.
La Jolla, California is a sea side community know for is being one of the most popular beach destinations with amazing views of the coastline. I For the location and the price nobody could even come close to beating the Cuvier club. I really wanted delicious food and found tons of excellent reviews about the Abby Catering. I specifically worked with their company to create the most magical day with Jack and his team. They gave me an event captain Petr who was super thorough and coordinated all the staff who worked the wedding. They also, provided the tables, linens, chairs, love Marquette sign, up lights, and photo booth.
They gave us a special discount for choosing the Abby Catering Company which was nice. Wedding are pricey so anywhere we could get a price break we did. From all the YouTube videos I watched one of the number things I took away from brides before me is that the more inclusive your venue the less stress you experience on your wedding day. I’m a self proclaimed DIYer but I opted to not take on so many projects so that I could have time to enjoy as much as I could of my wedding. You most definitely get what you pay for so I let the experts handle major parts of the wedding.
Getting ready at my phenomenal bridal suite definitely set the mood for the day. They definitely helped us create a vibe. The bridal suite at the Cuvier Club is not only beautiful but spacious. It accommodate my 7 bridesmaids, hairstylist and makeup artist comfortably. There was 3 different dressing corners to get dressed. Before the wedding we played music, sipped champagne and took way to many pictures of our fabulousness.
Together Redd and I chose 4 appetizers and 2 specialty cocktails for cocktail hour. For dinner we went with a dual entree of fried tilapia and chicken Marsala. I am huge food critic and they executed the food marvelously. I had guest tell me that our food was the best wedding food they ever had and that speaks volumes on how good the food was. They even accommodated our vegan guest and our picky guests.
I was nervous about being able to dance and socialize but they assured me that my party just had to follow restaurant rules and have their masks on while dancing next to their table. Which meant we could still enjoy the cha cha slide. For me that’s all I wanted was to celebrate but keep it safe. In order to do that, there would be no buffet and the waiters would serve everything. I honestly didn’t mind the restriction because they were reasonable and neither did my guest.
We all made the best out of the circumstance and coordinated our outfits which masks to match. We served macaroons, cupcakes and donuts for dessert to our guest instead of the cake we cut with our masks off to prevent the possibility of spreading Covid. We offered plenty of hand sanitizer and had custom made signs stress the importance of not spreading germs.
I didn’t spend very much on my dress. I’m a firm believer in clothes don’t make you you make the clothes so although I was gifted my dress by my mom I didn’t break the bank on this item. I knew due to my height and body shape I couldn’t wear a big poofy dress or it’d look like a cupcake. I figured something simple and form fitted would be cute on me. I actually was inspired by Justin Bieber’s wife Haileys wedding dress. I loved her long sleeve off the shoulders dress. I wanted that same shape.
I found my dress on AN luxe label for way less. AN is a dress company out in Australia that makes formal dresses as well as wedding dresses. They even offer Sezzle a affordable way to get the dress you want and pay the rest later in four equal payments. My dress isn’t a wedding dress but it worked well as one. I fell in love with it because I love a sexy back and of course anything with sparkles. It was sequence from head to toe and hugged my body in all the right places.
I worked my second look.
Why not be extra af and sparkle in a intricate diamond and pearl bedded dress. After all, you only get married once. I just couldn’t resist getting a party dress to dance in. I almost wasn’t going to get a 2nd dress until I found my dress during my bachelorette weekend in Las Vegas. I opted to go with a shorter dress because I didn’t want people stepping on my dress and ruining it. Plus, I wanted something I could twerk in. When I saw my dress I knew it’d be perfect for making a statement and for being able to dance the night away in.
From the ceremony to cocktail hour and the reception I received so many compliments. My day of Coordinator was heaven sent. She made sure everything went smoothly. She did a fantastic job. She kept my bridal party on schedule, she had the DJ on point and relieved me of any chaos behind the scenes. I can’t thank her enough. If you can’t afford a wedding planner at least get you a day of coordinator. I chose the only friend I knew who could handle such a huge task and I’m so glad I did.
The people who attended our wedding were suppose to be there. They were who we were suppose to be surrounded by. I wouldn’t change a thing. We know who has our best interest at heart and we are happy to share our lives with those who value and support us. We appreciated every congratulations and every gift. Now to kill this wifeyhood and continue building our empire together for our family.
I was going to post this for TMI Tuesday but my phone was tripping. A day late but here it is. I’m not sure why no one is talking about bladder incontinence during pregnancy and after childbirth and how doing kegal excersizes can help prevent the occurrence but lucky my friends you have me. Let’s talk about what we only usually talk about in our inner circle.
The 411 on your pelvic floor.
I feel like at this point it’s time to add bladder incontinence to the long list of secrets no one tells you about motherhood but you wish you knew before hand. The sudden urge to go pee and how a hard cough or deep laugh will trigger a little sprinkle of pee. It is definitely embarrassing and annoying. What’s even worst is when you experience this in public or at work and don’t have extra undies. Not cool.
Self-love is the best love. If you don’t have a pamper routine I suggest you get one. As a busy mom with aspirations it’s important to pencil in self care. Treat yourself. You need to take care of your mental and physical self in order to thrive in motherhood and your career. A little “me time” is necessary. You need to create chill relaxing pamper days to balance the busy chaotic ones or else take it from me, you’ll go loco in la cabeza.
I often get the question what are you mixed with because of my skin color and I laugh. I always joke and say I’m mixed with black and more black. I may be lite skinned but I am black and beautiful. I find myself more often than not, afterwards educating other races in the magic of blackness. We come in all different shades and sizes thanks to the “EVE gene.”