Hi, moms. I think we can all agree that motherhood is the hardest hood and one of the most difficult part in raising kids is disciplining them. We love our kids but not when they act up. I don’t know about y’all but this quarantine was just what I needed to tighten up my little gang or should I say gang gang gang since there’s 3 of them. My kids are ages 1-14 and I discipline them without spanking them. If your looking for an alternative way to discipline that doesn’t include spanking your kid keep reading.
My kids are not to bad but as they get up in age the challenges are different but still there. I can definitely see where I went wrong with my first child and I see things I need to nip in the bud with my second child. In all honesty I’m just trying to do my best before the third one drives me insane. My main problem with the bigger ones is getting them to do chores in a timely manner, not wanting to do what I’ve asked and fighting amongst each other. I literally almost want to air box them because I get so frustrated that everyday I have to repeat myself or have to ask more than once for them to do something. My youngest’s new favorite word is no and he has just discovered how to be manipulative LOL. He throws tantrum now too.
Lately, I’ve noticed the eldest two can be pretty cutthroat with each other and will get physical with each other quick. They both have snippets of my hot tempered attitude and I’m sure they probably cuss behind my back now but they better not ever let me catch them. It’s been very frustrating seeing them constantly go at it and have to always break it up. Diffusing blow outs has become my daily routine. Cook, clean, and breakup fights. Not how I envisioned my Covid vacation. Matter of fact, it got so bad the first week we had to have a family meeting about all their arguing and fighting back and forth being unacceptable while we’re all in quarantine all on top of each other with no where to go.
Then there is the toddler. My favorite baby because he’s my only baby, but boy does he give me a run for my money. He’s acts every bit like a almost 2 year old. He’s not bad but like any child his age has lots of energy and to much time on his hands. Then you add him taking lesser naps you have one mischievous child. On a normal day with him I do lots of creative play and outdoor activities but since we can’t go outside he’s been bringing down the house. His favorite place to run around is the kitchen. It drives me crazy.
This little bit of time in the house has shown me that we’ve outgrown our condo and have limited space now that we’re a bigger family. It doesn’t mean we can’t make it work or get along. We just have to try a lot harder under the circumstances. I was tired of constantly having to tell them to watch their smart mouths and stop yelling at each other. For some reason dad doesn’t get their lip service. He misses all the good stuff (I mean drama) of course. I don’t think I’m a push over by any means but I’m not super strict either. When I say tighten up it just means get a better routine that fits all of our needs so that I can expect certain things done by a certain time. That way I don’t get angered. That along with doing as I say and being consistent.
I’m good for threatening but not following through. That’s been something that I’m working on. Now if I say anything I DO it to make sure they are clear of their boundaries. That method seems to be working so far even for the toddler. My objective with him is just to establish right and wrong by applauding, giving lots of hugs and kisses or high fives when he does something great or shaking my finger and saying calmly “No,no,no” when he’s crossed the line. Then when he tests my patience further will I put him in his crib for time out time. He hates that and usually corrects himself.
So far for my family implementing time outs have worked. I have spanked my kids in the past as a form of discipline but only for severe things and I didn’t see it working enough for me to keep doing it. Plus every bad bad action doesn’t require a spanking. I now believe in first talking to my kids like adults. I feel like they are very smart and don’t know what they don’t know so the very first offense I now like to give them the benefit of doubt. I prefer to communicate my unwillingness to accept the type of behavior that they are exhibiting that’s pissing me off at the time. Then, if that doesn’t work and they still continue to act up and disobey me it’s time out time. I realize I don’t need to put my hands on them to discipline them or punish them.
Timeout is good for me and for them. It gives them time to calm down and me time to think through a plan to cope with their unacceptable behavior. It’s not something I suggest doing for hours on end but rather 30 minutes just to pause and say let’s figure out the root of the problem before reacting because you can lash out and scar your kids. Afterward, have a discussion about why they are on time out and what other consequences will occur if they continue with the same bad behavior.
The same way I believe in bribing kids I also will take things that I know my kids love away from them to get the results I need. The first thing that’s going is the phone, then the PlayStation or whatever my child is obsessed with at the moment. If I bought it, shit, even if I didn’t buy it I will take it away from them for talking back to me, deliberately disobeying me, fighting, name calling or not paying attention and causing themselves harm.
Parenting tip: Watch the kids your kids are around. Rule of thumb birds of a feather flock together so beware of any manipulative kids in their inner circle. Also, take a look at their parents if they lack discipline skills you better believe their kids don’t have any home training and that influence of your kid is powerful if they are hanging together.
Don’t fear parenting your child. Do what’s right and what’s best. Kids need structure and discipline but as always it’s not what you do but how you do it. The goal is to make sure your child has coping skills when things dont go his or her way and that they don’t become out of control. I seen a post that said “Are your kids acting up ? Whoop they ass because CPS is closed.” For the record that is so not true. My aunt is a social worker and they are definitely still protecting children during this time. They are staying on top of all their cases and making sure to prevent another child from going through what Gabriel Fernandez did.
If you don’t know who Gabriel Fernandez is and haven’t watched the The Trial of Gabriel Fernandez on Netflix I suggest watching it. It’s is not easy to watch but it will show you why physical abuse is just not right. It’s about an 8-year child whose abuse by his own parent led to his untimely death. These parents were unfit and took spanking to discipline their child to another level-abuse. As a child I grew up getting spanked for bad behavior and ultimately did want I learned to my children. I didn’t even look at it as not normal but as I grew into my parenting I decided that it didn’t make me feel better, my child feel loved and was not for me. There had to be another better way to discipline so I looked for alternative ways to punish my children for bad behavior and settle on time out as a punishment, more chores, restriction and canceling anything fun until I saw improvement.
I’m not trying to tell you how to parent your kids this blog post is merely my opinion. I just know that I don’t want to be like Gabriel Fernandez’s mother Pearl and not see how detrimental to her child beatings are emotionally as well as physically. I’d rather teach my children with love then negative aggression. Disciplining you kid isn’t bad but beating them is a crime. Learn to stop yourself from spanking your child.
Proverbs 13:24 says those who spare the rod of discipline hate their child. Those who love their children care to discipline them. That doesn’t mean beat them, it means let them know when they are wrong and correct them. Not only that, but love your child enough to let them know how to treat other and themselves.
In what ways are you disciplining your children at home? And is it working?