Why I can’t breathe.
I’m still waiting for America to be great. It seems like every time we take one step forward we take 3 steps back. Being Black in America is sad and exhausting. I can’t even breathe. We are the only race that will support every other race but we are never protected. All our civil liberties come with conditions. We have to think twice about walking at night with a hoodie on and even taking a normal jog in our neighborhood can be a risk. In 2020, being black af is still a crime. We are still walking targets.
I’m a mother of 2 black boys who will grow up to be two Black men. It’s sad that I have to even insert that because I feel like I shouldn’t have to state the obvious. Yet I do because I know the difference and they will soon know too. Truth is being a Black man is traumatizing and I have to prepare them for that. How many white moms can say they have to prepare their kids for possible police brutality, modern day lynching, and senseless gun violence? I’ll wait.
Each culture has it’s own set of trauma that nobody truly understand but them. I get it but what I don’t get is when other races see injustices and they remain silent. They become part of the problem. At the end of the day right is right and wrong is wrong. I can’t just sit there and let people treat other human beings wrong. I have to much empathy in me to turn a blind eye, to not speak out or reach out. My first reaction is to help. I’ll never understand how some merely watch and record.
I find myself wondering why the hell Black people are expected to be the bigger person each and every time there is a conflict? I don’t always want to. I’m demanding my respect from now on because I deserve it in the same way other races can. Black people have feelings too. We want to express ourselves. We want to barbecue at the park. Sell water to the thirsty. Not have our house raided when we have done absolutely nothing. We would love to be prosecuted by the dew process of the law and not corrupt cops or over eager vigilantes. Or better yet when we say we can’t breathe be believed. I mean dam why is that to much to ask for. Black lives need to matter.
How is it that when a Black person is murdered wrongfully and all evidence points to foul play the verdict 9 times out of 10 is not guilty? Then you get people like Mike Vick who got more time than all the police officers who have killed 493 unarmed Black men for killing a dog. I need some one to make that make sense because I can’t. How is a dogs life more precious than the Black man? That’s how undervalued they are and I’m sick of it.
I’m sick of hearing disgusting stories of people robbed of their loved ones way to soon. I’m tired of it hitting home. I’m over being expected to get over it because I’m not. As of today we are all tired of being oppressed. We are not taking injustice anymore. We our fighting for a change. Violence or not I’m here for it since they killing us anyways.
If only all the Karen’s of the world would stay out of people’s business and move along with their day without being assholes. I just recently experienced a white male following me to my house to question me about my toddlers trash. The nerve of this man to see me in distress carrying two hands full of groceries and trying to keep my eye on my toddler from running in the parking lots full of cars. As I’m struggling with all my bags because I didn’t want to make two trips he approaches me and asked me if I was going to pick up my child’s trash instead of being concerned for my 1 year who could of got hit by a car.
I will never understand why he felt the need to harass me and proceed to tell me I was ghetto because I said no. I didn’t feel like that trash was important at that time. My Black child’s safety was my top priority but he could give two shits though. He’d rather be arrogant and ignorant. He didn’t try to empathize with me. He didn’t attempt to help me. Instead, he startled me and decided to go off on me and rattle on about my life because I didn’t care about what he cared about at that exact moment.
He doesn’t know my life. I never been raised in the ghetto ever. He just made an assumption to fit his narrative and I think it’s fucked up that he felt he could talk to me in that manner because I’m a Black women and I was alone. Mind you it was me and my two youngest kids. I raised my voice and said good day sir, God bless you but what if I would have met him with aggression? He for sure would have played the victim even though he came over to me. Meanwhile, if my son dropping his soda as his 11 year old sister picked him up to protect him from harms way bothered him so bad he could have picked up the cup his dam self. He saw me with my hands full carrying tons of groceries but he didn’t think twice about confronting me. Black people encounter these types all the the time. It’s so exhausting.
The worst part about the situation is he didn’t see nothing wrong in any of his actions. He was so fixated on being right that he didn’t care that he scared me and my children, violated my space and disrespected me for no reason. He was on a power trip. He obviously felt like I was beneath him and he tried to make me feel less than but what he didn’t expect was my courage. I stood up to him. He’s a human being like I’m a human being. He’s no better or no different and I’m not going to be afraid to put anyone in their place ever. They gone learn today, the day after, and the day after that.
I’m very proud to be Black. I love all my blackness and my dope Black ancestors that came before me. I don’t need Becky to see that my hair is beautiful in it’s natural state. I never needed validation. I was taught by a beautiful Black queen to love myself. I’m training up my sons to carry themselves as kings and my daughter to be a queen in training. I teach them to be kind and tell them everyday they are special. I just want all the peace in the world and I pray that all the warriors on the front line in the battle for equality fight on. I’m making phone calls daily and posting on all my platforms so I can make a difference.
Colin Kapernick lost his whole career for peacefully protesting. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered for his peaceful activism. It feels like our sins have greater consequences. No sin is different, we all sin and long as you repent to God you shall be forgiven. I’m tired of my people suffering at the hand of our oppressors that manipulate the laws as they see fit. I want justice, equality and peace. I want to be able to live this America dream I hear about so much. In present day there is still White America. They get to be heard. Blacks have a voice but we are rarely taken serious I hate to say it but it seems like we have to be loud with our protest and riot or loot in reaction to the fact that unarmed Blacks keep getting killed to get our pain acknowledged.
“Riot is the language of the unheard.”-Dr.Martin Luther King, Jr.
It makes me infuriated that white people don’t understand that systematically they have white privilege and because of it they don’t have the same type of fears I face as a Black mom when I send my children out into this racist world. We come along way but we still have lots of work to do because the world still isn’t fair for Black people. This whole country can burn down for all I care if I have to continue to be free-ish.
I’m tired of my children, my beautiful Black babies being labeled and prejudged. I hate that the images of my Black brothers and sisters always is a negative narrative. I feel as if no matter how much good we do we are the most hated community. The media only shines light on the bad. When the shit hits the fan here comes the media. We’ve been angry but now that people are protesting and looting now they wanna focus on that instead they need to understand why we got to where we are. America is America because we built it for free. Let that sink in. At this point it’s time for the rest of the world to fight and mourn with us if they want it to stop.
I refuse to accept this treatment. I am not numb to senseless killings in my community. It has become normal but it’s not right. It still is a fresh wound that never heals. I cry every time I hear the names of Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland. Philando Castile and now George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmad Arbery. I can and will not move on after a trial of another shady cop because at the end of the day another one of us is dead. The killer ends up loosing his job but I don’t see justice in that. I want to see convictions!
We’re in a got dam pandemic and it’s still happening. We’re fighting back because we have to. Our Black lives depend on it. We have to take action until people are held responsible. For anyone valuing buildings over people your racism is showing. For anyone silent during these pivotal times just know that your silence speaks volumes. To all my non Blacks down for the cause and are mourning and actively fighting to end racism with us we appreciate you.
If your a mom and your not Black what are you doing to make sure that your children don’t shoot unarmed Blacks or don’t make false police reports? I’m curious.