Category: Motivation Page 1 of 3

9 Areas You Can Cut Expenses To Save A Dollar Or Two

If you been following my blog you know that I’ve been on my Dave Ramsey ish for a while now. I’ve been really making a conscious effort to gain financial freedom and saving has been a big part of my journey. It’s helped me get out of debt and invest into myself. It’s given me more freedom and security, both of which I’m obsessed with. The piece of mind in knowing I now have options has relieved a lot of the stress in my life I used to have.

Money is important. It affects everything in our lives.

Money effects your attitude, your family, your marriage, where we live, who you associate with, and what you can do with your free time. The more I learn about money the more I get to help YOU. I’m forever trying to learn and grow. It’s a bonus that I get to help y’all out so together we can live our best lives because having freedom and options is much more fun then stressing over the affects of not having enough money.

Budgeting isn’t easy. I want to support and guide you if I can. We get comfortable living the same broke thinking lifestyle that got us into debt and forget we are the masters of our universe. We can beat our financial struggles if we budget accurately and live within our means. I call it thinking broke on purpose. It takes learning to have contentment because money isn’t everything but it is a down payment for happiness. It takes guts and a whole lot of self love to stay disciplined enough to save when we’ve been programmed to be consumers and spend, spend, spend.

Manage your money don’t let it manage you.

Here are a few ways that I’ve been able to save a dollar are two:

1. Cancel memberships and subscriptions. You don’t need Netflix, Hulu, Firestick and Disney Plus. These subscriptions are great alternative to cable but will only save you money if you on have one. No point in giving up cable if your going to just buy every subscription known to man and pay about the same price. The goal is to save isn’t it? Also, that gym membership your not using cancel it. That makeup subscription let it go. You have enough. All those, small subscriptions fees add up so if you aren’t actively using them or need them get rid of them.

2. Electricity. Find out your electric company’s peak time and devise a plan to only use what you need by unplugging appliances you don’t use regularly. Choose to read or play games over watching TV. Go to bed early. More sleep is always needed. Use fan instead of the AC. Turn down the thermostat. Also, I know state to state varies but look into what programs they have to get utility assistance or sign up for any rewards programs.

Rule of thumb if it has a light on it’s costing you money.

3. Phone bill. Phone bills suck but phone are one of those things where it doubles as my computer too so it’s a non negotiable for me. It has to be paid. I do a lot of business on my phone so I need a good cell phone provider and a smart phone but for other members in your family consider comparing group plans for cheaper prices or cheaper phones. Phone bills add up quickly and one of the reasons is because you could be paying for services you don’t use get rid of them ASAP to get your phone bill down.

Another way to cut your bill down is going with phone company’s like Cricket or Boost Mobile. These companies offer services for a lot less. They are ideal if you only have basic needs like sending texts and making phone calls which is perfect for small children. They typically don’t need a IPhone or the latest Samsung Galaxy they just want to play games and watch YouTube.

4. Eating Out. Sometimes cooking food at home requires a lot of time that some of us working moms don’t have. It’s easier to just slide through the drive thru of your favorite fast food drive through and pick up something for the whole family. It’s best to stay away from restaurants altogether if you want to save some money. Join me on my eat at home challenge.

You’ll save major coins by meal prepping or having knowing what meals you want to cook in advance and taking your leftovers to work. If that’s to hard just pick one designated day that you can eat out like only fridays.

5. Coffee. Moms we are not giving up coffee because let’s face it we need our boss mom fuel. There’s entirely no way we’d be able to get through the day without it. I do recommend cutting Starbucks out of your daily routine. I know people who go to Starbucks multiple times a day and go for for venti or even the secret size trenta.

I have chosen to replace Starbucks with 7-11 coffee and I enjoy my caffeine now for more than half the price of one Starbucks cup. Finding an alternative coffee habit helps a ton with saving. Even investing in a good coffee maker will help you save a good chunk of money too. Give it a try and watch your saving fund go up.

6. Name brand items. We don’t need name brands but we like them. Try using generic products over name brands and see which ones you like. Some you will and some you won’t but most are great. When it comes to food in a blind taste test you probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. The bottom line is the saving are real.

If your kids complain about the switch trick them and put the generic option in the name brand container or package. Don’t tell them you got it from me though. LOL. I love my labels just as much as the next but unless I catch a sale, have a discount code or gift card I’m not paying full price for it.

Consignment shops are a great option for label lovers because you can get gently used name brand items for less. I believe you can make a statement in anything that you wear. Whether it’s from Target or Gucci you make an outfit. I’m a big high low girl. I mix and match what I like and put together great ensembles just fine. I personally think once you learn how budget shop fit name brand items you realize you can still be fly and in fact it’s even more satisfying.

7. Entertainment. Be frugal with your entertainment. You don’t have to spend lots of money to have fun. I love spending time with my kids and finding free activities around my city. My go to place is the library. They seem to always have an event going on. Take advantage of the library in your city, recreation centers, parks and make it a point to not spend money or if you do very little if it. A few suggestions I have are going to happy hour where drinks and appetizers are quite less than dinner. Exploring the outdoors is the number one way to save. Get creative and have fun without breaking the bank. Doing outside activities like hiking will cost you nothing.

8. Shopping. Limit shopping to need vs want. Think about what you really need and if it’s worth spending money that you could be saving instead. If it’s a “hell yes” I absolutely need it to function grab it, but if it’s a “it’s nice to have” but I don’t need it put your debit card down. Every time you get to urge to spend pause for a second and see if you get that same feeling after thinking about after 5 minutes. Usually that rush goes away.

Stay away from Costco, Hobby Lobby, Homegoods, Target or Walmart when your trying to save because those stores will gobble up your money in a heart beat. You’ll go in for toilet paper and by the time the cashier has finished ringing you up you’ll want to fall out from the total.

9. Groceries. Make a list. Only shop with a list. This will help you stay on budget.

Money is really important and you should manage it well. I budget because it has changed my life. By budgeting I’m able to put my money to good use. I’m trying to elevate. I want to buy a house soon. So for me budgeting has helped me get my credit score where I need it to be so that I can get a lower APR and be able to save for a larger down payment to put down.

One of my big goals after purchasing a house is to pay it off and be mortgage free within 10 years. God willing it will happen but I know that it will take a lot of sacrifice which is why I’m starting with baby steps now. I’m trying to change my lifestyle now because I value accomplishing my goals more than I value material things or temporary happiness. Saving money isn’t easy but definitely worth it.

What are so freaking excited about? Why do you want to budget? I want to cheer you on. I believe in you! Let’s up-level together.

#Budgetmommy

#Debtfreejourney

#Budgeting

#Savingmoney

#Financialindependence

#Cuttingexpenses

I Failed At Those Trendy Milestone Pictures

If you don’t do a photo shoot every month of your child’s first month of existence are you even a good mom?! OMG, it’s ridiculous to even think that way. Being the perfect mom has nothing to do with making sure you get the best shot of your adorable new baby (but you do get bonus points if your able to pull of off *wink*) and more to do with just learning your baby and taking care of their needs.

What mom doesn’t have an iCloud full of candid baby pictures anyways so just because they aren’t perfectly curated doesn’t mean they won’t be appreciated in the long run. Keep snapping pictures no matter what. Capture everything from their first smile, cry, funny face, crazy hair, cute outfit, crawl, or mischief. Document it all. Their first year goes by so fast so don’t ever feel like your ever taking to many pictures. That’s highly impossible to do.

Look at this level of extra. You see how it took a whole team to pull off???

I’ve seen photoshoots as simple as baby on a monthly milestone blanket, milestone sticker, age blocks or even more elaborate photoshoots with extravagant props and costumes beautifully done. How ever far you can stretch your imagination is up to you but if your going to do it don’t have such high expectations of the models because after all they are babies. Be flexible and have fun.

I think milestone pictures are the cutest way to capture the growth of your child’s first year but I just couldn’t keep up. I gave up after the 4th month and I don’t care. I do love the new trend just in case any of you new moms are thinking about it, go for it! I just was preoccupied with my other 2 kids, trying to maintain a social life and just being utterly exhausted. If you fail like I did don’t sweat it though. There’s so many other traditions you can create that may stick.

Let that mom guilt go. Your baby isn’t missing out on anything by not doing the month by month photoshoots since they are purely optional. Also, there is always going to be that one mom that will out do you in your eyes. Give her kudos and don’t think that deeply into it. You are still a wonderful mom, I pinky promise.

Although, I failed I still captured pictures of baby Kalvin’s first year and put my favorites in a Shutterfly photo book. I’ve done this to document all my kid’s birthdays, special occasions and sports activities. It’s easier than scrapbooking and my kids enjoy looking at their books and reading the captions. Visit Shutterfly and make yours today!

#Babysgrowtofast

#Milestones

#Babypictures

#Babysfirstyear

Perifit Review

I was going to post this for TMI Tuesday but my phone was tripping. A day late but here it is. I’m not sure why no one is talking about bladder incontinence during pregnancy and after childbirth and how doing kegal excersizes can help prevent the occurrence but lucky my friends you have me. Let’s talk about what we only usually talk about in our inner circle.

The 411 on your pelvic floor.

I feel like at this point it’s time to add bladder incontinence to the long list of secrets no one tells you about motherhood but you wish you knew before hand. The sudden urge to go pee and how a hard cough or deep laugh will trigger a little sprinkle of pee. It is definitely embarrassing and annoying. What’s even worst is when you experience this in public or at work and don’t have extra undies. Not cool.

As many of you know I work in the dental field and I always tend to feel pressured to hold my pee to stay on schedule. Sometimes it’s nearly impossible and I experience leakage. Yes, I said it I experience leakage. Yes, I’m human just like you. It’s awkward and embarrassing all at the same time even if nobody knows but me.

I had 3 c-sections so I was sure my vagina hadn’t changed to much except for the fact that I always had to use the bathroom. Then you add the fact that I like to drink water because I swear it does my skin wonders to the mix, and that is how the bathroom became like my second home. The faintest sensation that I had to pee was more like an urge. I couldn’t hold it for shit so for damage control I’d find myself emptying out just in case to prevent myself from having to go pee while knee deep in assisting in a crown prep.

I didn’t think there was anything I could do about it until I found a new product on the market called The Perifit. It’s a kegal exerciser that comes with an app. The app features a game that you can play to strengthen your pelvic floor. The more you play the stronger it gets over time.

Flex that muscle, sis.

In 2020, we didn’t get spaceships flying around like in the Jetson’s but we did get the ability to strengthen our kegal muscles while playing video games. Aren’t we ladies lucky? I’m so proud to be apart of this technologically advanced era. It definitely has its perks.

The Perit Fit is way better than those wacky yoni eggs, kegal weights or balls that you’ll be into for like a week then be over it. It’s a kegal excersizer that makes training your pelvic floor fun and entertaining. It’s helped me control my bladder at work and improved my muscle control in the bedroom. Who doesn’t like a product that kills two birds with one stone?!

It’s amazing the results I’ve seen.

Side note: There’s nothing like starting or ending your day with a big fat O. Yeah everyone is to scared to talk about sex and pleasure but not me. If I’m having engaging in intercourse I want to be satisfied too. The Perifit is just what us ladies have needed to take sex to the next level. I’ve been my bae over 15 years and I’m always down to try something new to boost our love life. I’ve been using the Perifit for about three weeks and I’ve already been recommending it for better organisms.

So here’s the scoop.

All you do is purchase the product here. Download the app. Connect your phone to Bluetooth. Relax. Insert the Perifit. Pick a training program. Then, imagine that your pelvis is a muscle like a jellyfish contracting and expanding as it swims.

Disclaimer: I love toys and gadgets in the bedroom and if your not comfortable sticking things up your woohoo then ummmm you might not like it, but for the adventurous ladies like me it’s nothing but a big tampon. It’s super soft, easy to insert (please clean first) and even has a string like one for easy removal.

Don’t worry if it’s awkward at first because the app will walk you through it and even has a few practice rounds that you can manually train before actually getting started. You’ll know your doing your kegals wrong because your Perifit will slide out. If it doesn’t slide out your doing it right and can begin playing once you feel comfortable.

In the game there’s about 5 levels to unlock, different themes and music to keep it interesting. You become a butterfly flying in the mountains collecting coins that look like lotus. To get the coins on the top of the screen you have to tighten your pelvic muscles. To get the coins on the bottom of the screen you want to release your grip and relax your muscle. It’s super simple.

Do your kegals, sis.

My favorite feature on the app is that it tracks your progress. That’s super important to me because I want to know is it working and how much I’ve improved. I started with the stress incontinence and I’ve moved on to intimate well-being. I did notice a difference in where the coins were place and could tell each setting focused on different strengthening methods.

Once your done playing clean off your Perifit and put it back into the box. Just make sure to turn off the battery but in case you don’t remember the app will actually remind you even though it brags that it has a 10 year battery life. LOL. Woohoo to 10 years of no more leakage. It’s common but it’s not normal and we are going to stop normalizing it today.

It’s recommended that you play at least 5 minutes a day or at least 30 minutes a week. Trust me it seems like a lot but for competitive people like myself it’s fairly easy to exceed that. I find myself hitting the play again button a lot trying to beat my last score. Doing your kegals has so many benefits for women. The Perifit is a workout that doesn’t feel like a workout. That’s what makes it so great.

After reading this may your vagina be tighter and your pelvic floor be stronger. Do you kegals! Thank me later.

#Kegalexcersizer

#Bladdercontrol

#Betterorgasims

#Pelvicfloorstrengthening

#Womenshealth

#Betterorgasims

Because Your Worth It: 10 Ways To Pamper Yourself

Self-love is the best love. If you don’t have a pamper routine I suggest you get one. As a busy mom with aspirations it’s important to pencil in self care. Treat yourself. You need to take care of your mental and physical self in order to thrive in motherhood and your career. A little “me time” is necessary. You need to create chill relaxing pamper days to balance the busy chaotic ones or else take it from me, you’ll go loco in la cabeza.

We moms play a big role in our family and have huge roles at work so whenever we can let our hair down without breaking the bank we must do it, and do it often! After all, all work and no play won’t make us any less richer. In fact, a little indulging in the simple pleasures of life give you the motivation to keep excelling in your career. It’s actually crucial for maintaining the marathon mindset.

Also, you don’t always need a lot of money to unwind after a long day or a stressful work week. Sometimes all you need is space and opportunity to put yourself first and relax.

From the comforts of your home to getting out and splurging on the finer things here are 10 ways you can pamper yourself.

10 Ways To Pamper Yourself:

1. Unplug

2. Go to a fancy restaurant

3. Get a manicure/pedicure

4. Have a spa day

5. Watch your favorite TV show in peace

6. Take a day or two off of work

7. Go shopping

8. Have a cocktail

9. Get your hair done

10. Catch up on sleep

There are lots of benefits to pampering yourself. As a working mom the stress factors of working day in and day out can be a lot. Knowing when and how to unwind can improve your overall health. Taking a day or two to regroup and decompress will recharge you.

Being financially comfortable is one thing but at what cost to your peace, your love life and your happiness?! You definitely need to start treating yourself better. What if I told you that you could have it all (The bag and a life we don’t need a vacation from) but it starts with basic self care and then work your way up to pampering yourself because your worth spoiling momma. Plus, you deserve it. If not every two weeks at least once a month make it a habit to pamper yourself.

When your in alignment with your purpose the hustle is real and you can find yourself so focused and passionate about your success that you don’t realize until you’ve burned out that your burnt out. Don’t get me wrong busy is a good thing but after work and on the weekends you need to relax. Pampering yourself helps prevent that burn out.

What ways do you you pamper yourself when you get a chance to?

#Relaxation

#Pamper

#Momswhohustle

#Treatyoself

I’m Black And I’m Proud

I often get the question what are you mixed with because of my skin color and I laugh. I always joke and say I’m mixed with black and more black. I may be lite skinned but I am black and beautiful. I find myself more often than not, afterwards educating other races in the magic of blackness. We come in all different shades and sizes thanks to the “EVE gene.”

The black women is the only organism that possesses the mitochondrial DNA that has all the variations possible for every kind of human being on this earth. Meaning when we mix with any race even our own you just never know what your going to get LOL it’s a surprise. A perfect example of this is when you see a dark skinned African American with blue eyes or a lite skinned African American with red hair like my honey bunny.

I may not look full black to some but I am and I am most definitely proud of my African roots. I Identify as African American, although I don’t know exactly where on the continent my people came from and I’m still extra proud of the impact my African descendants have made on American History. It’s a complex story of how we remain warriors despite all efforts to destroy our very well being or give us credit.

Our resilience is what I love the most about being Black. Black women are some of the strongest loving women I know. That has to be celebrated and is 365 days out the year in my house. I teach African American history daily but during Black History Month we show our pride in our heritage by enjoying African music, wearing loud and proud pro black shirts and learning more facts about our past by watching movies about African royalty or icons.

There’s so much more to our history then having been kidnapped and enslaved that I want to make sure my kids are taught because they aren’t teaching it in school curriculums. It’s sad to say but you’ll learn more from social media about black history than you were taught at school. Therefore, I get my kids to think about what Harriet Tubman went through and understand that Ruby Bridges was just a courageous little girl who made a difference, or how life would be way different if someone from our race hadn’t invented the carbon filament (the part of the light bulb that actually illuminates the light bulb) or the invention of the traffic light. Man, we’ve made some great contributions to mankind.

I also drive home the importance of loving yourself to my kids everyday by telling them they are beautiful, they are smart and they are perfect the way they are. I encourage them to love all their brothers and sisters in Christ but first and foremost themselves. To love their full lips, muscles, hair, complexion and race. As a race we’ve endured so much but had the strength to defeat it ALL! I love my black people. I love our resourcefulness. I love every inch of my blackness and I’m I stilling in my kids to have the same self-love.

Sometimes it’s disheartening the disconnect that Africans and African Americas aka Black people have from each other because we grew up different but the same. There is not black history without African history but because of slavery blacks are not as connected to Africa. I hope to one day to do my ancestry and see exactly where my bloodline comes from. I think that would fill in the gap. It would be cool to just know.

Black History Month to me is for non blacks to know black accomplishments and remind them of our contributions because they unfortunately don’t learn that in their homes or even school. They need to understand our pride, history and traditions. I want to see more people loving our people though and not just our culture. America has a huge case of everybody want to be black until it’s time to deal with black problems. That’s when we see how divided we as a country still is.

If your a black mom encourage your kid to be prideful of their culture and express it in various way beyond black history month to help bridge the gap between the past and the future. It’s our duty. To help us all heal and move on past the injustices. Growth is an uncomfortable process but it’s needed to bring change.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream and in my opinion we still have lots of work to do but with love and understanding there’s hope. Hope that black lives will eventually matter because all lives matter. It’s take a fair law system and all of us to create an atmosphere where we can all live peacefully.

I’m doing my part by hammering it into my kids to be kind no matter race, creed or sexual orientation because racism and ignorance starts at home. I refuse to be the parent that lets it perpetuate in my house. My kids will be the change I wish to see. Join me in the fight I against racism. Let’s be relentlessly.

I’m one of those raw parents. I keep it all the way real with my seeds because I really want them to see the magnitude of their gift of life. They are profoundly fortunate to have the life they live. They have learned by me that they stand on the shoulders of some pretty awesome brave individuals that fought for justice and equality so they can read, write and pursue their dreams. Mine carry the same strength, guts and audacity to influence. I’m raising tomorrow’s leaders. They are history in the making.

#Wakandaforever

#BlackHistoryMonth

#EVEgene

#Black365

#Blackandproud

#Blackandgifted

#Blackculture

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5 Things We’re Not Doing In 2020

We’re 23 days into the new year. We already made up our mind that this year we’re going to be intentional with our goal setting. Now that we’re going to be laser focused on our dreams it’s time to discipline ourselves and give up a few things to make our dreams possible. It’s not going to be easy but in 2020 we’re claiming success.

Repeat with me we have the ability to get money, follow our passion, live purposefully and be happy. The key ingredient is perseverance along with mastering getting the negative thoughts out of our minds that limit us from just doing it. Down below are 5 things I see holding many of us back from living in abundance. First let’s stop sabotaging ourselves by procrastinating, comparing, ignoring our instincts, letting perfectionism distract us and seeking validation.

1. Procrastinating

Force yourself to do that task today. Stop stalling all your doing is delaying your success. Pick one thing to be motivated by and think about it when your having a rough start and that should be the umph you need to stop being lazy and take action on your dreams.

2. Comparing

Don’t compare yourself to others. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is your yesterday’s self. Focus on your own progress and keep your eyes on your own price because comparing your life to someone else’s winning season will lead to depression. Stop putting pressure on yourself. Remember all good things take time and everyone is on their own personal journey so yours might not look like theirs. This you need to learn to accept. Your journey is meant for you. Try acknowledging your own successes instead of stressing about someone else’s highlight reel on social media. I know it’s hard but this season your about to be so busy watering your own grass to notice if someone else’s greener!

3. Ignoring our instincts

Your intuition is God talking to you. Ladies we all have women’s intuition but most of us ignore it but not this year. This year we paying attention to people’s energy and listening to our gut feeling because every time you go against it you set yourself up for more drama and a headache in the long run. Still take risks but only risks that are more likely to benefit your passion projects.

4. Letting perfectionism distract us

This one is huge. Perfection is the thief of dreams. Sometimes we get so caught up chasing this idea of perfection that we never put ourselves out there. We end up letting our talents and gifts fall by the waste side because we feel like they are only ok but confidence is key. As long as your determined and have confidence just go for it. No one perfected anything before they started. They learned, they grew, got better then expanded.

5. Seeking validation

The only person that should be happy with your decision is YOU because your the one who has to live with the choices you make. You don’t need anyone to say that your opinions or ideas are ok. Be secure in who you are (your values). Validate your dam self. Then don’t be afraid of failure or going against the grain. Go forward in your pursuit of success even if no one supports you. Do you boo!

“Seeking approval from others will have you on an endless search for unnecessary validation” -unknown

This year if you haven’t already it’s time to change your mindset and prepare yourself to receive bigger blessings than the year before. Motherhood is crazy. This I know first hand. Then having the courage to pursue your dreams comes with another set of pressure we tend to place on ourselves.

Think big and stay positive. Stay encouraged, sis. Don’t let you be the reason you never start or never try. Don’t be your own worst enemy. Follow your dreams. You can do anything you put your mind to. Use my tips, take it step by step and push through. It may at times be a lonely scary road but only you know what your meant to become. If you don’t believe in you no one else will either. Keep hustling. It’s all going to pay off soon enough.

You got this mommy!

#Thinkbig

#Thinkpositive

#Findbalance

#Justdoit

#BeConfident

#Doyou

Life Is Short. Hold Your Loved Ones Tight And Appreciate Each Moment.

The legend, Kobe Bryant, his daughter and 7 others died today in a very horrible tragic helicopter crash in Calabasas. I can’t believe it. This is so shocking and so sad. We’re just starting 2020 and then here go this bullshit.

As a fan I’m absolutely heartbroken. As a mom and soon to be wife I can only imagine the amount of grief Vanessa is experiencing during this devastating time. It’s one thing to loose your soulmate but your 13 year old baby girl also, and at the same time. In one day two of your heartbeats just gone. It’s unbelievable. I can’t even phantom the indescribable pain she feels.

My thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family during this time. Anyone with kids understands you never want your kids to go out before you. That’s just not how it’s supposed to go. How do you find the strength to go on? I don’t even know but I just pray she remains a strong pillar for her other beautiful daughters because this the type of shit that could break you in pieces if you let it. I imagine it to be a heart break like no other and I would never wish that on not even an enemy.

I can’t even wrap my head around the thought of one of my children dying before me. That alone is tragic enough but your husband too. Then my stomach turns thinking about their last moments. OMFG. It’s gut wrenching to think how panicked they were. Helpless and afraid are a few words that come to mind. So awful. Its hard for me to process this loss. Mamba is really gone?! God only knows why and I send my condolences to all families of the victims of the crash.

This tragedy just reminded me that life is short. Hold your loved ones tight and appreciate each moment. When I heard the news, in the mist of shock, all I could think about was how uncertain life can be. It doesn’t matter how much money you have. You can be here today and gone tomorrow.

You just never know when it’s your time to go so you really just got to not take life for granted. Show up for your loved ones, say I love you as much as you can, use your God given abilities and live life like your last day is tomorrow. You only get one shot at this thing called life. Count your blessings.

#RipKobe

#RipGianna

#Mamba

#Mambacita

#Condolences

Put Him On Child Support, Sis

I don’t care how much of a diva you consider yourself if your baby daddy is not holding up his weight put him on child support, sis. Stop getting sad and stressing out about what he’s not doing and let the courts deal with him. I’m a huge advocate in trying to come to a mutual agreement outside of court but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Don’t feel ashamed about it either. I applaud women who take care of their business for their child when the dad doesn’t want to step up.

When you’ve exhausted all your efforts trying to come up with parenting plans, visitation schedules and how much money is needed (key word needed) to take care of your child and ex spouse or partner have failed to consistently stick to the plan, then by all means you have every right to try and get some stability in your child’s life. It’s not just about the money either it’s about being an active parent and not allowing the burden of responsibilities of raising a child be on just one parent.

I get it your pride is telling you that you don’t need him and your right you don’t but we all can agree your kid would benefit from extra support. Those tutors and extra curricular activities add up. Where not even going to talk about child care expenses, or essentials like diapers, clothes and food. That’s a whole another set of bills on top of bills. Child support will help with everyday living expenses but does not contribute to any extras, although, I think it should in the spirit of co parent. We should go half on everything or it should be sometimes mom does more and sometimes dad does more but it’s fair. Not the main caregiver (usually mom) do everything and child support given cover whatever it can but it that’s usually how it goes.

Don’t argue or fuss until you hit a breaking point just file child support. As a single mom it’s tough and I know because I’ve been there done that too, but it’s the law that states that as long as paternity is determined they are required to do their part. Putting them on child support is basically a consequence of them neglecting your child. Then, based on the father’s income the state determines what he is capable of paying and most times if you want to get technical it is still not enough. It usually covers just the bare minimum but that is still something as opposed to nothing. Visit NCLS.org for more information on how they determine the amount of child support state by state.

Some fathers get mad that they are told they have to pay such and such amount but at the end of the day they better get over it and pay it or they will loose driving privileges, get their wages garnished, lottery winnings intercepted and even get their property seized. Why should a child have to suffer? They shouldn’t. My point exactly. No matter how bitter a man is about how things ended with his ex or how broke he is that should never be an excuse not to take care of your child. A parents should sacrifice so that their kid does not go without. That’s just my opinion.

I don’t think any real man should have to be told when to see his kid and how much to at least pay to take care of them but we as women have to realize that we are partly accountable for not doing our homework and laying down with men that force us to have use this system to enforce child support. Yet, that’s what it’s there for. To alleviate the stress of having to beg the other parent for anything. You should not make yourself suffer because you chose the wrong man to have kids by.

If you don’t have the heart to go down to the court and file because you’ve made up your mind that if he doesn’t take care of his kid f* it. Just remember your kids are owed his support. Even if he’s a drug dealer or unemployed now eventually he’s going to get older and have to work if he wants any kind of social security child when he’s senior citizen. That’s when that back pay will hit his ass. One way or another fathers need to be held accountable even deadbeat moms if the situation was reversed.

Your other alternative route for assistance is called Welfare. If your a struggling single mom they will help you with medical, dental, shelter and food. In helping you with these things Welfare will make you establish paternity and file for child support for you. To me that’s a blessing because your other alternative is getting your kids taken away from you if you can’t provide for them like your suppose to.

I was on welfare and it was a stepping stone for a young mom like myself. It helped mentally grow and get my shit together whether he paid a dime or not. They helped me focus on getting out of my horrible financial situations (due to my age I was pretty broke) by helping me with childcare while I was going to Dental Assistant school to give my son at the time a better life. In fact, the welfare to work program even paid for my schooling and books so when I received my license I didn’t owe anything. I was able to get in the work force and turn my situation around.

Now I make enough money to not need any help or even qualify for any help and that was my dream as a teenage mom. To be be self sufficient and not need any help ever. Now everything between my fiancé are good but when we were younger we had a hard time seeing eye to eye when we would breakup and live in depressed houses. I got tired of us being immature and not speaking when our feelings were hurt. Not speaking to him during those time periods lead to me not asking for things for the kids that I needed but couldn’t afford or him blocking me when I was trying to reach out and get his help when I was between a rock and a hard place. Which all meant my kids went without.

In being fed up I put his ass on child support and even when we stopped breaking up to makeup I kept him on there because I wasn’t about to play those games with him. I needed to be sure that no matter what I went through with him my kids would always be good and they wouldn’t be affected by our bullshit. I think after a solid three years of us not breaking up and having any real issues (because no couple has no problems) I took him off child support. I remember I had a little debit card from the state and they would send me an email every time I received a payment. It just so happened we were discussing finances and he was like I already give you x amount in child support which at that point was like an allowance since we were living together and sharing our bills.

When he said the amount I was pissed because that was not the amount I had been getting. I was getting less. That’s when I went into investigating mode. I need to know why I wasn’t getting exactly what he paid me and later found out when you receive child support there is a service fee. You are paying them to disperse your money to the other party. So I got to thinking I could get a portion of the money or I can have him hand me over the full amount. It was a no brained in my case. I took the full amount.

It’s kinda funny to think he was on child support and we we’re together but our relationship was real rocky and I needed my kids to have security. I am not one of those girls who won’t put their kids father on child support for fear that he won’t come around. If you don’t come around that’s not my problem but you will take care of every single one of the kids I have by you by choose or by force you decide. I’m not leaving the option of not doing nothing up to my kids father. I established that earlier on. I’m not going to harass you to do your part I got goals to accomplish and that’s where my energy is going. Not to trying to win a gold star for putting up with your inconsistency.

5 Good reason why you should put your child’s father on child support:

1. Think about every time he falls short and you have to pick up the slack.

2. He is walking around like he don’t have any responsibility’s. Doesn’t even ask if your child needs anything or offer.

3. He picks and chooses when he’s going to take care of his kids.

4. If you have to ask him for simple shit and he gets mad or irritated

5. He has a new girlfriend and he taking care of her kid but not yours

Learn from my experience so you don’t have to keep stressing out and your kids don’t have to go with out. What most fathers don’t realize is that if the court system is involved in their life it’s probably their own fault. Don’t let the fear that once you take dad to court he’ll get angry because he might but don’t let that stop you because eventually the dust will settle and he’ll get over it.

I know mommy got this but you shouldn’t have to have it on your own. This post was for all the single moms who have their kids best interest at heart and aren’t trying to get child support because they are greedy or seeking revenge. Child support is NOT a weapon for hurt feelings.

If the other parent was not lacking in the parenting department there would be no need for court mandated child support. So at the of the day he decides if he wants to split half the work and financial responsibilities in raising his children in order to not get put on child support. He’ll either learn to accept it. He’ll move on from his emotions or he won’t but either way you move on. No more going back and forth and hoping he’ll change for his kids.

You went off principle. You let your kids father see his kids and see him working hard to better himself but not his children. What are you waiting for?! Take action and tell him you’ll see him in court.

#Childsupport

#Childsupportproblems

#Babbydaddy

#Court

#Singlemom

The Millennial Mom Is Poppin’

The millennial mom is running businesses, working and raising kids. She is a strong professional women holding down her family while trying to get paid. I am sis. Sis is me. In fact, it’s starting to even be more common for us hustling women to now be the bread winners of our families. We are moms but we have elevated our mindsets. We want the whole nine yards-financial stability, wealth and good health. The roles have definitely reversed in the 21st century and we aren’t complaining. What can I say the millennial mom is poppin’!

We are becoming technology savvy and breaking into male dominated fields. We are confident and we are changing the game. We are a sought after target audience. We are building valuable brands. Where the door used to be closed we are opening them and paving the way for more independent ladies to dive into whatever career path they choose.

Off to the trap house.

We were born from 1978 to 1994 and are successful go getters, wives and phenomenal mothers. You can not deny that motherhood has changed. We’re no longer ashamed and speaking up when we have postpartum depression. We are not putting our mental health on the back burner anymore. We are comfortable admitting we are going through postpartum. Yet we are still very much wearing our super mom capes as we ask for much needed help.

We realize we’re stronger as a tribe and it takes a village to raise these kids. We wear heels to close business deals, we breastfeed on demand anywhere, we are passion driven and refuse to settle in life. Isn’t it amazing to see what we moms can accomplish if we don’t hold in our emotions, play ourselves small and never loose site of who we truly are before we had kids?

We’re no longer sacrificing having children for careers, instead we’re making both work. We millennial moms are owning our motherhood. We are embracing our new priorities. We are having fun. We are reminding ourselves daily that we got this because we do. Motherhood isn’t easy but it’s beautiful and when we say we got this we mean it. We’re figuring out what works best for us and applying it and what doesn’t letting it go ASAP.

Think like a millionaire and act like your broke.

These kids is still alive and getting on our nerves. Stressing us out with their “I’m hungry” and “I’m bored”. *Rolls eyes* Yet, we’re loving every second of the joys of motherhood and having as many as we can handle. We are taking our kids everywhere and exposing them to the world around them one family vacation at a time.

We refuse to give up or give in to the stereotypical mom roles. You won’t catch us letting ourselves go. We are living our best lives and not regretting it for a single second. We understand the importance of putting ourselves first and we are practicing self care regularly.

We made it a mission to heal from our past, break generational curses and are glowing and thriving because of it. We are showing our children the truth that the real strength of a women is by not sacrificing ourselves but by coming into who we are through motherhood.

We are using our resources and educating ourselves, sharing our experiences and helping other women along the way as we stand tall through the hard days. The tears. The frustration. The pressure. We’re figuring out daycare, work, rent, expenses and etc. all while getting our shit together and being a parent.

Your little family is the best team you could ever have.

The idea that we must have it all together has been thrown out the window. No mother has it all perfectly held together. We’re all just giving our absolute best in hopes that we’re raising happy healthy kids.

The amount of effort and sleepless days we put in because of our career driven goals are only trumped by the love and memories we create for our families who are the motivation behind it all. We are a forced to be reckoned with. We are creating sista circles and becoming even more powerful.

We are millennial moms elevating the next generation. We’re pouring into them everything that wasn’t or we wished was poured into us. So our beloved children can have choices in life. To have options to do what they want rather than what they have to do. We’re teaching them to fish. To be self sufficient and feed themselves. To be better than we ever were. These kids are blessed to not have to grow through what we survived in these few decades.

Shout out to the mommas putting in major work. Who know the sacrifice and discipline. Keep grinding.

They will fly higher and seek more because we fought so hard to give them peace. Give yourself a big round of applause if your a millennial mom because you started that business, you stopped procrastinating, stopped over thinking and went after your goals. Your taking action and soon enough those small wins will lead to success. Be proud that you chose to invest in you. That’s the vital part of this message. Keep being so busy improving yourself so that your kids reflect your growth because you don’t get a second chance raising them. Go hard now!

#Millenialmom

#Oldschoolnewschoolremix

#Momsbreakingcycles

#Workingmommas

#Momswhodothemost

#Embracingmotherhood

#Momswearheels

C’mon New Year Affirmations!

I’m claiming everything this year. 2020 will be MY year. Periodt! Whose with me? Whose not letting their goals go unfinished? A new decade is on the horizon and it’s time for our dreams to come true. That business? Start it. That toxic relationship? Let it go. That higher education you always wanted? Go for it. That dream vacation? Take it. That mentorship? You can never know enough so reach out and make those valuable connections. That “no” you received? Go harder. This year it’s time to be fearless in the pursuit of happiness.

Do you boo.

We’ve been in survival mode way to long. It’s time we start living! We’re not ok anymore with just progressing this year, we’re ready to celebrate our accomplishments. I know I plan on working a lot so I can do more celebrating, even the small victories because those are crucial to your overall success too. Every boss move I make I’m popping champagne for all the pain I experienced in my loosing season.

I’ve been preparing for this year all year. I planted seeds last year that I’ve been watering and waiting to bloom. Having patience is the hard part because it’s usually not my forte (patience is definitely a virtue that I’ve come to realize it is a must though). Trusting the process and not making excuses when problems occur but working through them and keeping a positive mindset has been the vibe this year.

First, thing on my agenda for the new year is changing my last name. Second, getting passports stamped. Third, investing in a few projects to help get my business booming. Fourth, purchase my first property to get my investment portfolio growing. Lastly, I’ll be toning down my spending, in order, to be financially responsible so I can keep them bands in the bank so I can invest more.

I never want to live paycheck to paycheck again, see another insufficient funds fee again, or need government assistance again in life. I never want to go without the luxuries that I love like getting my hair and nails done because my kids need something. I always want to be able to do both. Provide for my kids and enjoy my wants.

I’m only hanging with the inspired, motivated, grateful, open minded and passionate. If you don’t want the good life as bad as I do we can not be friends. I’m on a mission for my family and I don’t need any distractions. This year is all action. If I don’t like your energy or it’s not good for my soul it must exit stage left. Negativity will not thrive in my world. I don’t care who got the tea or if it’s pippin hot either if it doesn’t concern me it is not my business. I’m so focused on my hustle. I just don’t care what’s going on in the media or in other peoples household. I’m after this money so don’t disrupt my grinding to discuss other people’s problems.

My life is so good right now and will be even better with my kind of determination. In November I sat down and mapped out this upcoming year. I’m that ready to put in this work because if you stay ready you don’t have to get ready. Pretty simple. Everything I vision I want it done right with minimal mistake. I’m not cheating, skipping steps, or trying to figure out a shortcut or selling my soul so I realize it’s going to take me a little longer. It’s never a will she win but a when I win how will I use my life to better the lives of my kids. In 2020 we ain’t doing nothing mediocre. No more stalling on our growth or over looking our self. We staying in our bag and investing in our come up.

Whew, the pressure is on. I’m competing with myself so this journey is intense and is very personal. With blood, sweat and tears I plan to rise in my niche and be someone else’s hope in their darkest hour. My mood for 2020 is I can, I will, watch me. I’m increasing my effort so whether a opportunity knocks or not I intend to build doors and make my own tables.

It’s absolutely necessary for my independence and freedom that I crave. I’ve done major shifting in my personal and work life to be able to balance this upcoming season. I’m all the way here for a year of nothing but flourishing! I’m upgrading EVERYTHING-my mindset, my house, my car, my inventory. I’ll continue to be humble but this year is my year to establish myself in the black blogging community, put my motherhood first, and bask in my internal happiness.

The time is now. I’m living in luxury, thriving in my career, finances exceptionally stable, my audience is so big, and relationships are so strong. I am in love with my life and my self esteem is through the roof. My word for this year is courage. I am taking risks and courageously living my best life.

This year is going to be so money.

I accept everything I deserve this year. Amen!

What are you claiming this year?

#NewYearwhodis

#Newbeginnings

#Affirmations

#Queenin

#Upnext

#Winningseason

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